Struggling with my Faith

[Daughter of Toothless]

It's so easy to forget that entities and deities make mistakes too.

Just a few days ago, my God lashed out at a friend of mine because He found out that he was the reincarnation of an enemy from His past. It scared me because I have never seen Him so angry. It doesn't help that His anger was towards my friend. He came to His senses later on and apologized to the both of us and promised us that He would make it up to us.

It was really weird because I'm usually the one to lash out and He's the one to calm me down. I never thought it would be the other way around. I forgive Him for this ordeal, and so does my friend. However, we are still shaken about what happened. My love for Him still remains the same, but my faith is a little shaken. I don't think I will be able bring myself to worship Him the way that I usually do for a while...

Has anyone else gone through an ordeal like this?

[Satu]

Re: Struggling with my Faith

I've never dealt with your exact situation, but I have dealt, in one case, when Bast acted "out of character". I put that in quote because Her angry, growly presentation is actually part of Her nature. It was just a part I had never seen before. I may work mainly with the Eye of Ra, but I get the Het-Heru "face" much of the time. It was a very unnerving experience and I must confess that it took me a long time to approach Bast with the same confidence and trust I'd had before.

Gods--any god--have Their own personalities and can be predictable just like any other entity. They have Their own agendas, foibles, etc., that sometimes don't . . . agree with us mortals. Because They're so much bigger than us, I think, too, that things like rage or even annoyance get amplified.

It takes time to move past it. Honor your God properly, but if you feel the need to step back for a few days, talk about it. Don't just exit stage left because that's a recipe to possibly make things worse.

Hope I helped. Good luck.

[Rhiannon]

Re: Struggling with my Faith

never had that type of encounter either, I'd say just take some time to perhaps meditate about it, or just communicate with him, maybe he has lots to tell you about why he lashed out like that. I read he saw an reincarnation of his enemy, but what made him his enemy? stuff like that could be helpfull to communicate about. (:

)O(

[Daughter of Toothless]

Re: Struggling with my Faith

Thanks guys. I already know the whole story, but I didn't wanna give it away because I didn't wanna stir up some old memories of His. Things have gotten better between us, and I honor Him the best that I can.

[Gleb]

Re: Struggling with my Faith

I agree with Satu here, don't rush forward with it. The feeling s understandable. Through time everything will come to its place, don't worry

[Semi-Demi-God]

Re: Struggling with my Faith

I'm new and I'm already losing faith, any questions i have I'm left to try and figure out on my own, I've had a hell of a time finding any answers. this is starting to remind me of when i was a christian, a lot of unanswered questions, and just generally poking around in the dark and being lost and confused, is this really worth it?

[jcaternolo]

Re: Struggling with my Faith

I'm new and I'm already losing faith, any questions i have I'm left to try and figure out on my own, I've had a hell of a time finding any answers. this is starting to remind me of when i was a christian, a lot of unanswered questions, and just generally poking around in the dark and being lost and confused, is this really worth it?

Well, there's a saying. Usually, one does not pick a god, but a god picks you. Maybe Thor doesn't desire a relationship with you for some reason. My only advice is to make a sincere prayer to Thor, and ask him why he hasn't responded. If you don't get any response, then that's a sign that maybe you should look into other deities to work with. That's what I did, and I finally found a deity who answers my prayers (I don't hear any words, but my prayers do get answered)

[Satu]

Re: Struggling with my Faith

I'm new and I'm already losing faith, any questions i have I'm left to try and figure out on my own, I've had a hell of a time finding any answers. this is starting to remind me of when i was a christian, a lot of unanswered questions, and just generally poking around in the dark and being lost and confused, is this really worth it?

Hey SDG,

These things take time. Since you're new, you're starting on what's going to be a very long, but very rewarding, path. Don't give up right at the start! Faith, I've found, is something that comes with time, experience, and a great deal of reflection. I'm three years in and still feel like a baby, although I'll admit things are a lot clearer than they were at the beginning.

I'll also admit that there were times when I pushed everything spiritual into the, "can't handle this right now" abyss and gave myself a few days' rest.

I noticed you posted in a thread about honoring Thor. You'll get some great suggestions and I also suggest that you do some research on Asatru. Be patient when trying to connect with a god. It can take some effort. Also realize that not every god will respond to you. Not every god will be interested in interacting with you.

Not every god will respond to you in the way you'd like. Some visit in dreams. Others communicate through emotions. Yet others send signs. Some communicate frequently. Some communicate rarely. It all depends on the god and the individual.

Time, reflection, and experience will be of great benefit to you, but in order to get those things, you need to keep going.

Research different religious/spiritual traditions to see what they have to say about your questions. In your studies, you may find a particular tradition speaks to you, or that a particular god/dess reaches out to you.

It's always pitch black before some light finds its way in. Periodic spiritual turmoil is just a Thing for most people. It's normal. It's okay. Keep looking for answers. Keep thinking about what you learn, believe, and experience. It'll come to you. You'll see.

EDIT:

PS: You probably should have made a new thread for this. A mod will take care of things if it's a problem, though.

[Semi-Demi-God]

Re: Struggling with my Faith

periodic? its been a few years ,some times it feels like I'm being punished for something I've had 3 times the normal misfortune this year

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but your probably right jcaternolo why would a god want to talk to me I'm just a nobody farmer

[Satu]

Re: Struggling with my Faith

periodic? its been a few years ,some times it feels like I'm being punished for something I've had 3 times the normal misfortune this year

So you've been in spiritual turmoil every day for the past few years? If that's the case, you definitely need to look into how different traditions answer various questions about life and the universe. (Why are we here? Why is there evil? Why do we suffer? Where do we go when we die? What's a moral way to live? etc) You need to ask yourself what you want out of a religion, what you'd be willing to put into a religion, and then find one that fits most of what you need.

That said, sometimes bad things happen to us for long stretches at a time and there's no explanation for it. I went through a five year period where I was sure that the entire universe was using me as the cosmic outhouse. (Job loss, abusive relationships, physical and mental illness, etc.)

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but your probably right jcaternolo why would a god want to talk to me I'm just a nobody farmer

This attitude is counterproductive, especially if you're trying to get in touch with northern gods like Thor. These gods really seem to value an attitude of respectful self-confidence. You don't have to be confident all the time, but if you approach Them with this attitude, They might ask, "are you sure you're ready for this?"

Not only that, but letting a negative attitude cloud your thoughts may also inhibit you from connecting with the gods as well as you'd like. And again, there's the possibility that the god you're reaching out to doesn't want to interact with you. That's completely normal. Gods are a little like people in that regard: They've got likes and dislikes, personality quirks, etc.

You sound depressed. That also doesn't help. If you haven't already, you might consider counseling, therapy, etc. Even if you've got no money, there's usually at least one place where you can get at least a few sessions free or at low cost.

You say you're a farmer, so try reaching out to other agricultural gods. There's Demeter, Renenutet, Ausir [Gr: Osiris], Inari, Sita (or Laxmi), and many, many more.

[Gleb]

Re: Struggling with my Faith

It's ok, Hannah. I had a bit trouble with Djehuty (Gr. Thoth) when I read about him helping Set and being a bit of a trickster. But I learned to accept him like this. Right now I have a bit of disconnection with the Gods - they want me to learn doing things by myself and not always depend on them. But I do know one thing - they are always near me and will help in a time of need. Recently, I faced something I can't control all by myself. But I felt sort of a hand on my shoulder and something told me: "Don't worry, everything is going to be fine". Perhaps it was a deity or my intuition/

In my opinion, you'll regain the trust in your God as time goes. The only thing you need to do is to trust him as you did before.

[jcaternolo]

Re: Struggling with my Faith

I don't think any of the Gods care about your status. They speak to all, no matter what their job is. And don't worry, farmers are actually very important to civilization. Without anyone willing to farm, there would be no food. So I want you to pick up yourself and be proud of who you are

Edit: Also, you should ask around for any Gods or Goddesses who are easy to approach. I'm not sure what the best examples would be, possibly one of the mother Goddesses? You can draw upon their strength to build you up. I heard that Amaterasu is pretty nice and quiet, so she should be approachable.

[Semi-Demi-God]

Re: Struggling with my Faith

i almost don't want to ask anymore questions, I'm worried ill just get more bad news about how confusing and complex this is

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Edit: Also, you should ask around for any Gods or Goddesses who are easy to approach. I'm not sure what the best examples would be, possibly one of the mother Goddesses? You can draw upon their strength to build you up. I heard that Amaterasu is pretty nice and quiet, so she should be approachable.[/QUOTE]

I've been trying to, after a few months of looking through different forums, the only direct answer i got was "read the eddas" so i bought a few of them and haven't really learned much from them yet

[Gleb]

Re: Struggling with my Faith

It's not confusing, SDG. It's just takes a little bit time to understand everything. Keep asking questions, it's absolutely ok.

[Threshold]

Re: Struggling with my Faith

I first want to qualify my post by saying I don't have any personal experience with Thor or Norse faiths, but I will share my parallel experience with other pantheons and deities.

My entire life growing up I heard there was one god and that Jesus wanted to be everyone's cosmic connection. I tried for a very long time, with true intent, hope and effort, but Jesus didn't want me for a Sunbeam. I have no idea why.

I studied Kemeticism for awhile and felt an affinity with Anubis, and had a few (maybe three) episodes of contact/connection and then that ended. I have no idea why.

This was pretty disheartening, being rejected by gods. I mean, what was up with that? But I was involved with many people of various pagan faiths and they told me that it is usually a case of a deity choosing you or revealing itself to you, or "calling" you. So I stayed active and hopeful.

I also stayed aware, to what I was attracted to, connected to, moved by etc. And in time I became aware of a very powerful relationship and even worship that I was practicing, but since it didn't look like anything other people were doing I hadn't recognized it for what it was.

So I began to write out what I believed, what I had felt and heard "speaking" to me, etc etc. And it turns out that all the way back since I was a young child I've had this connection, but I never recognized it as a faith/worship because those things had been defined for me by the culture and what I was feeling and doing didn't fit that definition. I had no words or context for it, so I never really identified it.

Now I have, and it feels great and authentic and satisfying, and purposeful. I find it really helps me make sense of things even things that make no sense and aren't particularly fun to deal with. None of life's challenges have gone away, because that is not what it's about. And my faith doesn't just fix things or make things easy to experience, but it is a strong foundation, and it is my reality. When I get tunnel vision, my faith opens my eyes again to the larger truth and my place in it.

I've had many people ask me why I would choose the faith I have, or why I would worship as I do, because they feel their faith is way more warm, fuzzy and nurturing. I didn't "choose" it, the way I choose a pillow or a t-shirt. I didn't choose it because I thought it would serve me and fix my issues. It is who I am. It is authentic and to do anything else wouldn't work for me. No matter how amazing another person's relationship with their god looks, I have to do what is real for me.