Wandering from the path

[habbalah]

My beliefs never changed or ended, but especially over the past year or two, I've found myself wandering away from my path. I've had a lot of unhappiness come to me (including a long-term health issue that has yet to be diagnosed properly or gotten treated to any effect). This is the time where I should be working with my entities for help, but I spend more time away from my altar than not.

Is there a time where you felt yourself straying?

[Munin-Hugin]

Re: Wandering from the path

From time to time I feel that way. It's more of a periodic thing than a point that I could look back to and think "oh, I'm sort of straying". I get I to these periods of funk where I don't care to even think about spirituality, never mind step up and do anything involved.

When that happens, I get to thinking that maybe I don't believe as much as I claim to, or maybe I'm not on the right path. I find myself struggling more and more with it.

Do I get too busy to follow my devotions or do I use that as an excuse not to? I don't know, and it sometimes rattles around in my head until it hurts.

[Heka]

My beliefs never changed or ended, but especially over the past year or two, I've found myself wandering away from my path. I've had a lot of unhappiness come to me (including a long-term health issue that has yet to be diagnosed properly or gotten treated to any effect). This is the time where I should be working with my entities for help, but I spend more time away from my altar than not.

Is there a time where you felt yourself straying?

I'm pretty much a couch pagan :/ this forum is the most pagan I get on a daily basis. I don't like it, bu I'm also kinda accepting that I'm not in a great place for regular practise or whatever. Though I'm not sure if I use that as an excuse or how true it is....

I did do a protection for my house before we left (6 weeks overseas). Just randomly recided to do it, stopped eating (yes during breakfast), concentrated on the features of my house and yard, then felt myself breathing protection into each room, then the yard. As I was following the fence line of our property I kinda saw a hominoid bounding along the fence line. Sometimes I was looking through his eyes, sometimes from above him, and I got through my whole house and yard, then my breath stopped...

Random, totally random, but I feel like theres a little elf/brownie/thing watching over my place atm. And thats the first thing ive done in over 6 months.

Anyway, couch pagan. Yeah that.

[Thorbjorn]

Re: Wandering from the path

...This is the time where I should be working with my entities for help, but I spend more time away from my altar than not.

Maybe the deities/entities are giving you some space to work things out.

Is there a time where you felt yourself straying?

Yep. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. I think it happens to almost everyone at some time or another. As they said in Pacific Rim... "don't chase the rabbit". Don't focus or dwell on it, I think that makes it worse.

[Satu]

Re: Wandering from the path

Haha, yeah, I strayed FAR from where I wanted to be. Long story short, I'm now a sort-of apatheist: I know the gods exist, but I have a hard time giving a crap about it. I . . . left the path and entities on bad terms.

Except my house wights. My house wights are awesome and get offerings at least once a day.

Looking back, I wish I paid a little more attention.

[Semi-Demi-God]

Re: Wandering from the path

i wish i was in your position, that would mean i actually had something to go on how ever bad it may be

[habbalah]

Re: Wandering from the path

i wish i was in your position, that would mean i actually had something to go on how ever bad it may be

If I may ask, how long have you been on your spiritual path? It took me nearly ten years of thinking, being unsure, and researching different religions before I realized what was right for me.

Have you talked to a counselor or seen a psychiatrist? I ask because from some of your other posts, it sounds very much like you're experiencing depression. Apathy can be a form of it as well. If you're able, I would greatly suggest you talk to a mental health professional.

Perhaps heathenism isn't the correct path for you. I know it can feel very upsetting and frustrating to feel spiritually uncertain and empty. Maybe you could research other paths and deities, and see what interests you. You might come right back around to heathenism, but at least then you'll know if you're going in the right direction.

[SleepingCompass]

Re: Wandering from the path

Is there a time where you felt yourself straying?

I don't think of it as 'straying' so much as being lazy. I liked Heka's term for it; 'couch pagan'. I go through periods where I'm very involved and practicing regularly and then I'll get lazy and turn into a couch pagan and then I'll realize that I'm slacking off and start trying to be more active again.

I think its harder as a solitary in this respect since you have to be your own motivator; there's no group meetings or anything to remind you to keep up with your rituals/spirituality. I originally decided to join this forum for this reason; to help keep me motivated and active in exploring my spirituality.

I haven't experienced anything as bad as what you've described is happening to you, but I would think seeking out your personal Deities would be a comfort. I know when ever I'm hurting or feeling down, I like to visit with one of my Deities that always makes me feel loved and cared for; visiting with her always feels like a mother's hug to me I don't know exactly who she is; some kind of mother/moon goddess. But she has always been there for me when I've sought her out when I'm hurting.

I hope things get happier for you soon

[Semi-Demi-God]

Re: Wandering from the path

When I was younger I used to be a christian, but I never felt connected to it. I did everything I was supposed to (pray x number of times a day, read the bible, go to church, ect ) but it felt hollow and fake. Then I went through a period of being kinda atheist/lost angry and confused, and recently I've felt drawn to norse heathenism. I can't really say how or why, but it just feels like thats where I should go. I've never had the luxury of getting any help with anything, I've always had to figure it out on my own. I really doubt thats going to change anytime soon. And it better be the correct path, otherwise I'm sh!t out of ideas.

[SleepingCompass]

Re: Wandering from the path

When I was younger I used to be a christian, but I never felt connected to it. I did everything I was supposed to (pray x number of times a day, read the bible, go to church, ect ) but it felt hollow and fake. Then I went through a period of being kinda atheist/lost angry and confused, and recently I've felt drawn to norse heathenism. I can't really say how or why, but it just feels like thats where I should go. I've never had the luxury of getting any help with anything, I've always had to figure it out on my own. I really doubt thats going to change anytime soon. And it better be the correct path, otherwise I'm sh!t out of ideas.

Beyond the occasional use of the runes and a little reading, I don't have much knowledge or experience with the Norse Pantheon, but it is a pagan path, so I can speak a little about that aspect of it.

One of the nicest things that I like about being a pagan/witch is that I'm free to practice my spiritual beliefs in the way that feels best to me. Its a path of exploration and experimentation and even adventure; I'm always on the look out for new things to try and this forum is filled with new ideas and thoughts to explore. All of this has filled me with a sense of wonder; I love the ability I have to connect with my personal Deities and I, personally, feel very spiritually fulfilled on this path. That being said, everyone is different and has different spiritual needs, so a pagan path isn't necessarily for everyone.

I've noticed your posts in a few other places, and from what I recall, it seems like you are dealing with a lot of frustration with how unorganized and free-form this path tends to be. There is no right way; everyone practices it different. Maybe a path with more of a defined structure might put you more at ease? I'm not you, so I can't tell you what would be best, but it might be something to consider.

It does sound like that you're invested in this path from what you said here:

...and recently I've felt drawn to norse heathenism. I can't really say how or why, but it just feels like thats where I should go.

If I were you, I would read as much as I could about the Norse Pantheon in general and then focus in on Thor and read and research. I think some people on other threads provided you with some links to get started so I would probably use those as a jumping off point. Or you can go on Google and type in Norse Pantheon and see what pops up. Wikipedia can be wrong, but I often find its a great starting point on these kinds of searches as well.

Then I thought the advice that Rae'ya gave you on a different thread for setting up an altar was very good:

It's pretty difficult to screw up with Thorr. He's one of the more laid back, friendly, buddy type Northern deities. What he seems to care about most is hospitality and loyalty. Hospitality is easy... make an altar. Loyalty is easy... spend five minutes every day at your altar doing some little devotional work. It doesn't matter where the altar is, what direction it faces or what you put on it. If you can't afford altar things then print out an image from Google that appeals to you and put it on the surface. That's all it needs. A tiny little clear space that is specifically set aside for Thorr. It can be the size of an piece of printer paper (or smaller). Nothing else goes there. Then every day stand in front of it for 5 minutes and think about Thorr. The absolute best offering is your time and energy. If you can pour a bit of beer into a cup on the altar then that's good too. If you can put aside one slice of meat from whatever you cooked for dinner that's also good. But your time and energy counts for much more than anything else.

The only thing I would add to this is that you can also, during your 5 minutes of thinking about Thor, try talking to him, asking questions or advice and see if he talks back. He might not right away; sometimes it takes time to get the knack of it, but it can't hurt to be open and listening for him in case he does decide to talk.

A lot of people have offered you some very good advice on some of the other threads and this one, I'd go back and re-read what they've said and try to look at it in a positive light of people trying to help you.

Try some of the suggestions and then come back and tell us what you tried and how it worked out for you and then ask new questions that come up.

Good luck
I'm wishing the best for you

[Semi-Demi-God]

Re: Wandering from the path

"The only thing I would add to this is that you can also, during your 5 minutes of thinking about Thor, try talking to him, asking questions or advice and see if he talks back. He might not right away; sometimes it takes time to get the knack of it, but it can't hurt to be open and listening for him in case he does decide to talk."
i tried that when i was a christian, "see if he talks back" i didn't know what to look/ listen for back then and seeing how this is more free-form, probably even less so, great

[LuciaStar]

Re: Wandering from the path

"The only thing I would add to this is that you can also, during your 5 minutes of thinking about Thor, try talking to him, asking questions or advice and see if he talks back. He might not right away; sometimes it takes time to get the knack of it, but it can't hurt to be open and listening for him in case he does decide to talk."
i tried that when i was a christian, "see if he talks back" i didn't know what to look/ listen for back then and seeing how this is more free-form, probably even less so, great

Generally, most will tell you to look for omens, signs or any coincidences that may be in your face or extremely subtle... never anything like literal speaking back or the like. Those things I mentioned could be things that just feel like they answer things, have some really interesting timing or can make you go "Whoops, someone wants my attention, apparently."

But those aren't the be all end all, just something to keep in mind is all!

[Thorbjorn]

Re: Wandering from the path

i tried that when i was a christian, "see if he talks back" i didn't know what to look/ listen for back then and seeing how this is more free-form, probably even less so, great

I rarely ever got an answer from the Hindu deities I tried getting close to. I was head blind to them - not everyone clicks with every deity. I was Christian and never felt anything with Jesus. Thor doesn't like fancy words or word games, simple is best. Just chit-chat with him like you'd shoot the breeze with or confide in a friend... hey, spill your guts, he'll listen. I have some printed prayers and poems I've gleaned off the internet, but I'm keeping using them to a minimum. Actually they're more for my benefit to remember his deeds and powers. I've just rather been chit-chatting and shooting the breeze with him.

I made that post about deity visualization, well the more I think about him and the more I talk to him, and the more I let him in, the more I can see him. Because you've expressed concerns about wanting to get to know him, and are thinking and talking about him, maybe he's contacting you. Maybe you're resisting- I don't know, just a guess on my part. I look back over the years, and remember how I was fascinated by him, but I kind of ignored him otherwise. Then the time was right for me to say "Hi, how ya doin'? I'm --- " (my legal name isn't Thorbjorn, but it's a genuine Old Norse name that means 'thunder bear'... I use it in his honor). Then he must have said "I know, I've been waiting for you", and grabbed me in a headlock. Remember, he's very persistent.

- - - Updated - - -

Generally, most will tell you to look for omens, signs or any coincidences that may be in your face or extremely subtle... never anything like literal speaking back or the like.

And sometimes it's just a revelation, an "ah ha!" moment. That happened to me this week, a message from Thor for my own benefit. Then it all became clear. No voices, no signs, no images, just a "so that's what you want me to do". I knew it was from him.

[thalassa]

Re: Wandering from the path

i tried that when i was a christian, "see if he talks back" i didn't know what to look/ listen for back then and seeing how this is more free-form, probably even less so, great

This isn't like baking a cake or doing a math problem. There's no prayer+candle=god contact...no recipe to follow. And there's no guarantee of results, whether you do everything by the book or not. One one hand, its great because it means you really can't possibly be doing it "wrong" (as long as it feels intuitive). On the other hand, that means you have no measure of whether or not you are doing it "right", unless you get a response that you recognize as such.

People meet the gods as they are ready and able to experience them--and often its not even the god you thought you were looking for. For some people, that is never. For others, it can takes years, months, days, hours, or minutes. There's no way to know, except to try and to wait and to try again and wait and try again and wait. But (IMO) worship shouldn't be about getting a response anyhow, it should be about showing respect about something you find important.

The biggest thing to remember is that a self-defeated attitude rarely gets one anywhere...

[Thomas Pulse]

Re: Wandering from the path

As i have posted elsewhere on this forum I strayed from the path for nearly 20 years.. going from vaguely wiccan to agnostic, to converting to Catholicism(!) and then for the past few years total atheism... until recently when I have felt utterly drawn back to new and very different traditions... and then i began looking at a number of strange occurrences over the last 20 years

...the bizarre presence I felt in an ancient castle that made my then Wiccan girlfriend look at me very strangely

...the constant calling I feel to the ancient hills

...buying a dozen books online on a whim about megaliths and standing stones when I've never had any interest in the subject since I was child

...hearing about the ancient burial mound of New Grange in Ireland and getting to visit it 3 months later despite having no money to afford the trip

...another witchy girlfriend years ago telling me I had "the sight" but I just didn't realise it yet

...my mother (barely religious/nominally Church of England) being told by a slightly annoyed medium that she didn't need to be there as she had the same ability(!)

And now at the age of 40 I'm being inexorably drawn to Faery magic... Faeries! For goodness sake!?



But I wonder if the path was always there and I'm only choosing to see it now...