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Thread: Exploring Paganism from life long Atheism

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    Newbie battyrats's Avatar
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    Exploring Paganism from life long Atheism

    Disclaimer!: I accidentally posted this in under Religion and Spirituality and just realized that this is a much more suited place for me to ask this question! I read the rules and I know double posting is frowned upon. I'm new to forums and I'm not exactly sure how everything works and I apologize for any inconveniences I may have caused!

    Hello, everyone!
    I honestly do not know where to begin. I guess I can start by introducing myself vaguely, hopefully to create an easier picture for everyone.
    I'm a 20 years old, born and raised into an urban lifestyle, and raised by Catholic parents with no (organized) religion whatsoever. Continuously dubbed an INTJ since adolescence, with a troublesome natal chart (Sun in Virgo, Moon in Pisces, Rising in Aquarius, and a lot of Plutonian influences). I have always been in the troublesome, confusing position of not truly knowing my exact view on deep concepts, such as understanding the root of my emotions, or what to even label them as. These philosophies of life, existence, and direction have always filled my mind. I would consider myself a logical, analytical individual who is very passionate about advocating against ALL social justices and for ALL rights of life alike. But I have always experienced... an intense pull towards the unknown, for lack of a better word.
    The idea of a personified deity has never sat well with me. However, at a young age I was fascinated with Greek Gods and Goddess and studied them for months... not that I actually believed in their existence, but more so of what each deity stood for. The idea of a Goddess always had a nice ring to it, as well. But, I would say I have a problem with concentrating, almost like my body cannot keep up with the way my brain receives and processes information, and things I find interesting get lost in time and distractions. Over the years, I have gone back and forth with researching up on what some would call the supernatural; astrology, spirits, magick, crystals, etc. Skepticism and lack of guidance has always kept my interests at bay, however.
    Now, with the on and off research I have done over the pass four months, I would say I have already started, in some form or another, my own spiritual journey. At first, I thought Wicca was for me. I really enjoyed the idea of meditation, rituals, and the Wheel of the Year. But as I stated before, a personified deity and the idea of worshiping them, is not for me. I have always felt an awe towards the night sky, however. It's almost as if any empty feelings I may have vanishes when a clear sky is above me. Urban life doesn't allow you to see much, but it's just enough for one to get absorbed by it. I especially have always felt some sort of connection with the moon.
    Now, coming from an urban life, nature is hard to come by. From experiences, I have always loved nature and animals and as a child, I would always spend time at my elementary school's park. But as I got older, despite how much I loved being outside, I started to become overwhelmed and eventually restless. Actually, I feel overwhelmed and restless despite my surroundings, but that's not important now. A month or two ago, I took a stroll through a park, something I never do... And I never felt anything like it before. It was the same feeling I get when I look up at the night sky; awe and... peace, almost.
    For the past week, I got back on the bandwagon of researching up on other Pagan beliefs, and I think I found something that I am finally not questioning so much; Naturalistic Pantheistic Paganism. A naturalist because my logical side is still skeptical about the idea of spirituality at all. A pantheist because I believe that everything is connected by matter and by an explained energy that runs through everything that has every existed or will exist. A pagan because admiring this Earth and all things on it is something I believe in, whether spirituality is in the equation or not. The Wheel of the Year is something I wouldn't mind following either, and connecting with this energy through the properties of the many Gods and Goddesses doesn't sound so irrational for myself, either.

    Now, the real question is; where do I even begin? I have been gathering a lot of my information from various sites and from a Youtube channel of a woman who would also identify as a Pantheistic Pagan, and I haven't really found any other source that shares views that I would not mind really delving into. I bought two notebooks recently, one for home and one on the go, to write down my progress and my emotions as I try to go down this path. I also bought some white candles just to have around the house and I started a 20 day meditation challenge to ween myself into meditation. But, I'm still lost. I don't know what else to do. I hope I do not come off as being ignorant or offensive in anyway, but does anyone have any advice for a true beginner? 

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    sea witch thalassa's Avatar
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    Re: Exploring Paganism from life long Atheism

    I'll move the other thread for you and delete this one...since that one has responses already...
    “You have never answered but you did not need to. If I stand at the ocean I can hear you with your thousand voices. Sometimes you shout, hilarious laughter that taunts all questions. Other nights you are silent as death, a mirror in which the stars show themselves. Then I think you want to tell me something, but you never do. Of course I know I have written letters to no-one. But what if I find a trident tomorrow?" ~~Letters to Poseidon, Cees Nooteboom

    “We still carry this primal relationship to the Earth within our consciousness, even if we have long forgotten it. It is a primal recognition of the wonder, beauty, and divine nature of the Earth. It is a felt reverence for all that exists. Once we bring this foundational quality into our consciousness, we will be able to respond to our present man-made crisis from a place of balance, in which our actions will be grounded in an attitude of respect for all of life. This is the nature of real sustainability.”
    ~~Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee

    "We are the offspring of history, and must establish our own paths in this most diverse and interesting of conceivable universes--one indifferent to our suffering, and therefore offering us maximal freedom to thrive, or to fail, in our own chosen way."
    ~~Stephen Jay Gould, Wonderful Life: The Burgess Shale and the Nature of History

    "Humans are not rational creatures. Now, logic and rationality are very helpful tools, but there’s also a place for embracing our subjectivity and thinking symbolically. Sometimes what our so-called higher thinking can’t or won’t see, our older, more primitive intuition will." John Beckett

    Pagan Devotionals, because the wind and the rain is our Bible

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