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Thread: Ticking Clock (Trigger warning: death)

  1. #1
    Head Above Water habbalah's Avatar
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    Ticking Clock (Trigger warning: death)

    I don't have a constant fear of death--it comes and goes, but I don't dwell on it. However, lately I've been feeling like my life is a ticking clock. I suppose everyone's is, but every moment my mind wanders, i feel that if I'm not doing something productive or towards my goals, I'm wasting my time. It's hard for me to relax with this sense of "YOU CAN'T FAFF ABOUT ONLINE, YOU'RE GOING TO DIE".

    I take antidepressants already, and this feeling is a new one. I know I'm not very old (I'll be 32 this year), but this ticking clock in my head is adding a lot of stress to my life.
    “You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip and it can crash. Become like water my friend.” -- Bruce Lee

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    Copper Member Thorbjorn's Avatar
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    Re: Ticking Clock (Trigger warning: death)

    I get the same feelings. I'll be 58 in July and sometimes I feel my life has been a waste and it's whizzing by. I am bipolar 2/hypomanic-depressive; I can easily take nosedives, despite the meds. I often look around and compare myself to others (first big mistake). I wonder why I didn't do this, or why I passed up that, or why I'm not this or that by now. I feel like I waste time, but as John Lennon (and others) said "Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time". I don't know if my ramblings in any way address your thoughts, but suffice to say I know what you mean.
    śivāya vishnu rūpaya śivaḥ rūpaya vishnave
    śivasya hridayam viṣṇur viṣṇoscha hridayam śivaḥ


  3. #3
    Silver Member iris's Avatar
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    Re: Ticking Clock (Trigger warning: death)

    Well I'm only 22 habbs, and that feeling is way too familiar for me as well. I do suffer from anxiety, so I get days where I'm a crying wreck. I've come a long way, but sometimes everything just crashes without warning. More often than I like. I often get that desperate feeling that time is slipping away and I'm not using it for anything. Yea. I take it day by day, and try to do something i want whenever I have energy for it.
    You remind me of the babe
    What babe?
    The babe with the power
    What power?
    The Power of voodoo
    Who do?
    You do!
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    Remind me of the babe!

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  4. #4
    Live and learn anunitu's Avatar
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    Re: Ticking Clock (Trigger warning: death)

    Hmmm,being very close to 68,I do wonder why I DON'T get this feeling...when younger yeh, I got it from time to time. I know I most likely could count my remaining years on my two hands,but that thought never enters my mind much..
    MAGIC is MAGIC,black OR white or even blood RED

    all i ever wanted was a normal life and love.
    NO TERF EVER WE belong Too.
    don't stop the tears.let them flood your soul.




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  5. #5
    Nihilistic Goddess Medusa's Avatar
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    Re: Ticking Clock (Trigger warning: death)

    I get the same because you know..the heart attack on top of being bi polar. Pretty much means I was born to stress on death.

    But I pretty much don't look at long term anymore. I know it's a bad idea. But it's how I can cope. I try to remember what my mother taught me without ever teaching me:

    I remember walking to the supermarket and she saw some flowers in the pots. She said I can make them talk! And I'm like mom, did you take your meds? And she reaches down and pinches the petals and it suddenly had a mouth and was talking. It was those flowers you see in Disney cartoons being cute etc. And I was like, well shit. She's right!

    And she was well into her 70s at this point. I try to live with her love of life. In all the small things. She took such joy in those small things. In ketchup on her fries. In sparkly things at the 99 cents store. In all the things we don't see because we are too busy trying to live. So when I get stressed because I feel my heart it beating funny. Or that I have a scab that's healing slower then I would like etc..I take a moment and find some joy in those things we miss.


    But don't tell anyone this. Because as a Satanist I'm supposed to be a bad ass.

    Note. I do take joy when children fall down. So there's that.
    Satan is my spirit animal

  6. #6
    Mostly Harmless nbdy's Avatar
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    Re: Ticking Clock (Trigger warning: death)

    Well, Anu has a few years on me but I am over 50. Honestly, sometimes life feels like it is too long, like it is just a series of thing that I do. Fear death? Nah. Would rather not have one that involves a long period of pain or debility, but if it came to that it'd just be another thing. You would think that such a level of ambivalence would correspond with depression, but I am one of the happiest people I know. Go figure.

    "No, no, you're not thinking; you're just being logical." -- Niels Bohr

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    Cat Freak Gleb's Avatar
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    Re: Ticking Clock (Trigger warning: death)

    It is really an unpleasant feeling. I know what will happen after I die - Wesir's court. So I don't worry much. Don't worry, Habbs. Live your life to the fullest as much as you can. It will turn out in the end.
    "Fair means that everybody gets what they need. And the only way to get that is to make it happen yourself."



    Since I adore cats, I might write something strange or unusual in my comment.Cats are awesome!!! ^_^

  8. #8
    Live and learn anunitu's Avatar
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    Re: Ticking Clock (Trigger warning: death)

    You all know I am coming back to haunt you guys,that or start a major religious movement...haven't decided yet...
    MAGIC is MAGIC,black OR white or even blood RED

    all i ever wanted was a normal life and love.
    NO TERF EVER WE belong Too.
    don't stop the tears.let them flood your soul.




    http://www.paganforum.com/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=186&dateline=1330020104

    my new page here,let me know what you think.


    nothing but the shadow of what was

    witchvox
    http://www.witchvox.com/vu/vxposts.html

  9. #9
    Silver Member iris's Avatar
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    Re: Ticking Clock (Trigger warning: death)

    Why choose when you can have it all? ^^
    You remind me of the babe
    What babe?
    The babe with the power
    What power?
    The Power of voodoo
    Who do?
    You do!
    Do what?
    Remind me of the babe!

    Army of Darkness: Guardians of the Chat

  10. #10
    Cat Freak Gleb's Avatar
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    Re: Ticking Clock (Trigger warning: death)

    Quote Originally Posted by anunitu View Post
    You all know I am coming back to haunt you guys,that or start a major religious movement...haven't decided yet...
    Right. We're on the same side, Anu. Please note that.
    "Fair means that everybody gets what they need. And the only way to get that is to make it happen yourself."



    Since I adore cats, I might write something strange or unusual in my comment.Cats are awesome!!! ^_^

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