How are you raising your children religiously?

[kalynraye]

If there is already a thread on this I apologize. This came to mind as I was posting in confessions and decided to ask. KP and I have had numerous conversations on children and ideas that we have. I am sure most of them will go out the window because kids are kids. We agree on almost everything with the exception of religion.

I was raised with an extremely strong faith. Granted my faith is not that of my grandmother but she did instill a strong set of beliefs in me. I have never seen religion in a negative light. It is my foundation. My Goddess and God are always there and I pray and converse with them regularly. I want to raise my children with that same core foundation. I want them to know that whatever faith they follow that Goddess and God are always with them. That they are wonderful and benevolent, and that they do not give us things we cannot handle. They are their strength, guidance, and love.

KP on the other hand does not want religion anywhere near our children until they are able to decide they want it. NONE. Not to say he doesn't believe but it was used as a weapon against him and forced upon him. He wants no part of organized religion, he feels and has seen people hide very terrible acts behind it.

That being said how are you raising your children and does your spouse/significant other/ parent of your child agree with your choice? How did you come to make this choice? If you are raising them pagan what things are you doing to incorporate into their lives?

I want our future kids to have faith, and I want to show them mine but I don't know how I can do that and not introduce religion to them.

[Torey]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

I think that Rae'ya and I both agree that our kids will be raised to have the freedom to choose whatever they wish. We won't be hiding our religions/practices from them at all, but we also won't preach to them or try to push our beliefs onto them either.

For myself, I don't necessarily want to bad-mouth other religions - but I will be ensuring that they understand what fanaticism/extremism/fundamentalism are and that these are not representations of what their origination faiths intended.

[kalynraye]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

There will be no forcing of any religion. Just because I want them to have faith doesn't mean they will but I would like them to know mine. Or at least see it and make their own opinions but they wont form those until they are older. When you guys have kids do you plan on them actively participating with you?

[Torey]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

There will be no forcing of any religion. Just because I want them to have faith doesn't mean they will but I would like them to know mine. Or at least see it and make their own opinions but they wont form those until they are older. When you guys have kids do you plan on them actively participating with you?

I'll be honest and say that it would be nice if they did. I think that I would encourage them to participate if they showed an interest.

[Gleb]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

I'll be honest and say that it would be nice if they did. I think that I would encourage them to participate if they showed an interest.

Same for me. I think faith opens gates one could never dream of. If I have kids some time, I will practice Kemetism openly but not force it on anyone. Not my future life, not my future kids.

[Medusa]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

I don't have kids or plan on having them (except for din din). But if I did, I would raise them with knowledge of my belief system. I don't believe in letting kids just make up their own minds about things completely on their own without any idea of what their parents are etc. It's like I'm going to let my kids eat whatever they want. I don't want to pressure them to eat healthy foods.

Nope. Eat that shit. Now. When you are able to make up your own mind relatively sanely in your teens, you can eat whatever you want to cook.

[LunarHarvest]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

I would openly practice my Shinto spirituality and practice with them. I would invite them to participate with me in tending to the kamidana (house shrine) and making offerings, and would share with them what I know about Kami. I would take them to the shrine for New Year's and for certain ceremonies and festivals, and would invite them to come along with me on other occasions. I would teach them the proper rituals and about how to make offers and say prays, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. ;D

That being said, if my child were to come to me and say that they did not believe, or no longer believe, in Kami, or choose to follow a different religion, I would be fine with it. Of course I would want them to practice Shinto as well, but I don't want to force my beliefs on them, so I will let them go where they will, and offer my guidance when it is sought. I would really only express opposition if they were going down a road that I know would be bad for them (ie. a religion whose practices actively disobey the law, or are a distinct danger to their health).

[Azvanna]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

OP you're in a tough spot! Socialisation starts as soon as a child is born. What they learn about life from experiencing it, especially from 0-6 has a huge influence on the rest of their life. So I suppose if you want a child to be religious, aspects of it need to be modelled before then. Make believe games might be a good way to support an appreciation for the incorporeal. Talking about dreams and reinforcing a sense of wonder in the natural realm might help.

As for me, my faith permeates all I do. I sing it, I practise in the lounge room. Many of the books I read have religious themes. It influences how I cook and my attitude towards food. So my poor child won't have much of a choice. He will be well socialised into religion! However, I do want him to learn how to quest on his own. But I believe that ability comes after a good orientation.

[thalassa]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

I think that it makes no sense to choose something that you think is a truth (different from the truth), beneficial, and life enriching, and then deny that to your child.

You can teach your child what you believe and you can give them a practice that gives them the freedom to make their own choices without forcing your beliefs upon them.. Because if you don't teach them *anything* out of some (imo, misguided but well meaning) attempt to not indoctrinate them or whatever, what you are really doing is creating a vacuum...and that vacuum will eventually get filled with something that you'd rather it didn't.

And yeah, there are religions out there that I'd rather my children didn't.

[Azvanna]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

I just want to add, organised religion is different to what is practised in the home. Maybe you could talk to your partner and identify attitudes and actions that characterised his experience with religion. For my family, going to church is supplement to our spirituality. I do have my doubts about sending my son to Sunday School because I'm quite sure he would encounter teaching that would go against my values. However, I want him to be familiar with our church family, as they are the people who support me now, who pray for him and show him he has a place in the social fabric beyond his family. Being on the music team, I hope he will get free lessons I think it's important for young children to see religion/spirituality in action in a positive and practical way rather than simply being indoctrinated.

[Carlin]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

I've raised my son to value nature and he's aware of my practices (he likes to join in some of the celebrations!), but I've never insisted he be Pagan himself. I'd never want to force my beliefs onto him, his path is his own.

[thalassa]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

There's an essay by the (grown-up) kid of Victor and Cora Anderson (the founders of the Feri tradition) on this subject that I think is worth considering...which is similar to my (previously stated from my phone) opinion.

But, as someone that *is* parenting Pagan, I can tell you what that actually looks like in our home, which might be more helpful.

*We thank the earth, the sun, the rain, the wind, and the many hands that bring us our meals
*Our bedtime stories are the world's mythology--all of it, Greek, Roman, Norse, Egyptian, Jewish, Christian, Polynesian, Inuit, you name it...and modern fiction too
*We celebrate the seasons of the year in our local ecosystem and do a lot of nature-based or traditional crafts (vesta making, perfect for Candlemas)
*We play in nature and pay attention to what is going on in it
*We make up our own stories and customs and traditions (Chickadee has long had her own pantheon)
*We talk to the people we love, whether they are here or not, as if they can hear us
*We meditate as a means to examining (and accepting or letting go of) our feelings and our connection
*We learn alot about science and culture and history, and how ideas change over time
*To appreciate life, good or bad, happy or sad...because the act of living is something to be savored

I'm not trying to raise my children to identify as Pagan when they grow up. I'm trying to raise my children to think of their role in the world outside of themselves, to have compassion for the beings around them, to be thankful for the many things that occur for them to have the things they have, to honor those that have worked and struggled to survive in a world that can be beautiful and terrible at the same time, to appreciate the rich history of the Universe and of humanity and to see the wonder in both, and to stand up for the things they find dear to them.

In short, I'm raising my children to have the qualities that I think they need to be good people. I don't care what religion they identify as, I care that they say "please" when they ask for something, "thank you" when they recieve it, that they help the little old man crossing the street with a cane and groceries and hold the door for the mom struggling with a stroller. I care that my kids take the spider outside instead of squashing it, that they look at a sunset awestruck, that they recycle a can instead of throwing it on the ground even if it means carrying it longer. I care that my children know that we are not defined by our gods or our skin color or our hair color or body type or gender, but by the relationships we have with each other, and with the world around us. I want my children to listen to the Universe with their entire body and know that (to quote Neil deGrasse Tyson) not only “The atoms of our bodies are traceable to stars that manufactured them in their cores and exploded these enriched ingredients across our galaxy, billions of years ago. For this reason, we are biologically connected to every other living thing in the world. We are chemically connected to all molecules on Earth. And we are atomically connected to all atoms in the universe. We are not figuratively, but literally stardust.”...but also that being something metaphorically or figuratively or spiritually (whatever you want to call it) isn't less than...they they are biologically, physically, chemically, and*...

*and is pretty much the big mystery...I want them to embrace and celebrate that mystery, whether they do so as the human imagination, as a world full or gods, or as a single god.

[Noir]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

I can't bear children, but if I adopt a child at a much later point in my life, I will teach them my faith and expose them to the knowledge I have on the matter. I will also require (but not insist) them to practice my religion until they're old enough to make their own decisions legally. If by then they wish to follow another path for whatever reason, so be it.

I believe a lot of individuals choose other religious or spiritual beliefs rather than the one they were raised with, because parents teach their children in a forceful manner that puts off the child and later makes them subconsciously resent what they were taught.

[Shahaku]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

I'm raising my daughter pagan. We've started going to the Unitarian Universalist church in town because I believe that having a spiritual community is good for growth and their values and open-mindedness speak to me. I plan on teaching her pagan prayers and chants. I'm already reading her stories from mythology and history. In fact, the majority of her books are mythology or history based (and she's only 1), with a couple fairy tale ones thrown in. I'm working to create a book for her for when she gets a little older than teaches about the world religions, because nothing I've come across does so in a manner I find acceptable (without bias) and in a way that is appropriate for a young child.

I think faith is important. I think compassion is important. I think being a good human being is important. And I believe that teaching my daughter my religion, as flexible and eclectic as it is, will help teach her these things. Though, if she were to choose a faith other than mine, I would be okay with that too. I think the only thing I'm really not okay with, is not believe and feeling that there's something more at all.

[Ula]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

My husband has no practice and I don't include our son. I don't hide anything but I don't have him participate unless he would ask.