So, this is an idea that has popped up during a meditation recently and I wonder what other's might make of this..
I've started to feel that my spirit home has stagnated. I can't imagine it ever not being in my life, so don't want to just walk away from it. I had started journeying before my anxiety became quite bad a few months ago, at which point I thought it best not to do anything too heavy or draining, as my mental state would probably attract some unwelcome attention in the spirit worlds, or at very least, allow darker sides of myself to take control.
So for a while now, I've just been visiting my safe, but like I say, somewhat spiritually depleted spirit home, 'Rotokia'. I still don't think I should be reaching outwards yet, so instead want to start doing some inner work; exploring more of 'me' for a while. I started by going back to the place where it all started; a visualisation of myself as a fountain, around which Rotokia gradually built itself. There, I could go back to basics, and ask my deep self where I should be going next.
Now here is where it gets a bit complicated. I've mentioned on this forum before, that almost all of my spells and rituals, and at least 50% of dialogues when meditating, are carried out in Japanese now. I was reluctant to do this in the past, but these days it feels right, because I have an emotional attachment to Japanese that isn't present in my mother-tongue. It's hard to explain, but I think I take English for granted because I don't have to work so hard to get my meaning across, so it feels less 'special'. Maybe a parallel would be like someone using attractive cursive lettering when writing in their book of shadows or for spells, rather than just scribbling in their usual writing, because taking the time to write nicely, maybe with a fountain pen or quill, feels more special somehow. That's how I feel. I'm sure it bemuses the Celtic deities and spirits I'm addressing no end, but at least they seem to be listening! ^^
I think it was Charlemagne who first said 'to know a second language, is to possess a second soul', and this idea has been echoed by many bi-linguals. Of course, no one is suggesting this is literally true, but you definitely get a unique opportunity to reinvent yourself through a second language, as different social norms and linguistic ideas start to colour how you filter the world around you. So, I've been thinking about exploring this 'version' of myself through meditation. Maybe even giving her a different name, perhaps forming a unique relationship with deity.. knowing them through different names and folklore. In a practical sense, I mainly study Japanese from textbooks aimed at Japanese children these days, which is exposing me to some of the experiences and education that helps shape native speakers of Japanese as they grow up. So these two modes would maybe compliment one another nicely.
What do people think about such an idea? Do you think this would be risky for someone who is a little fragile mentally (I don't suffer any serious mental illness btw, but I have cyclical bouts of mania and depression that vary in severity, and have recently started having panic attacks and anxiety, like vividly imagining horrific scenarios, and constantly fearing that every day will be my last to the point I avoid leaving the house if I can). As I see it, this 'second me' is still me. It's the me who comes out when I'm sitting with my Japanese speaking friends anyway, who uses slightly different body language and follows slightly different social norms. Maybe I can develop a more optimistic and secure outlook through such an exercise?
If I explore my spiritual side through this second me, then I can sidestep away from Rotokia and allow a fresh new spiritual landscape to appear. In fact, I have already tried this just once, and I found myself in a landscape very similar to the videogame 'Journey'.
Who could resit going in deeper to that?
So what do you think? Is this a good avenue to explore, or am I just asking for trouble?
I've started to feel that my spirit home has stagnated. I can't imagine it ever not being in my life, so don't want to just walk away from it. I had started journeying before my anxiety became quite bad a few months ago, at which point I thought it best not to do anything too heavy or draining, as my mental state would probably attract some unwelcome attention in the spirit worlds, or at very least, allow darker sides of myself to take control.
So for a while now, I've just been visiting my safe, but like I say, somewhat spiritually depleted spirit home, 'Rotokia'. I still don't think I should be reaching outwards yet, so instead want to start doing some inner work; exploring more of 'me' for a while. I started by going back to the place where it all started; a visualisation of myself as a fountain, around which Rotokia gradually built itself. There, I could go back to basics, and ask my deep self where I should be going next.
Now here is where it gets a bit complicated. I've mentioned on this forum before, that almost all of my spells and rituals, and at least 50% of dialogues when meditating, are carried out in Japanese now. I was reluctant to do this in the past, but these days it feels right, because I have an emotional attachment to Japanese that isn't present in my mother-tongue. It's hard to explain, but I think I take English for granted because I don't have to work so hard to get my meaning across, so it feels less 'special'. Maybe a parallel would be like someone using attractive cursive lettering when writing in their book of shadows or for spells, rather than just scribbling in their usual writing, because taking the time to write nicely, maybe with a fountain pen or quill, feels more special somehow. That's how I feel. I'm sure it bemuses the Celtic deities and spirits I'm addressing no end, but at least they seem to be listening! ^^
I think it was Charlemagne who first said 'to know a second language, is to possess a second soul', and this idea has been echoed by many bi-linguals. Of course, no one is suggesting this is literally true, but you definitely get a unique opportunity to reinvent yourself through a second language, as different social norms and linguistic ideas start to colour how you filter the world around you. So, I've been thinking about exploring this 'version' of myself through meditation. Maybe even giving her a different name, perhaps forming a unique relationship with deity.. knowing them through different names and folklore. In a practical sense, I mainly study Japanese from textbooks aimed at Japanese children these days, which is exposing me to some of the experiences and education that helps shape native speakers of Japanese as they grow up. So these two modes would maybe compliment one another nicely.
What do people think about such an idea? Do you think this would be risky for someone who is a little fragile mentally (I don't suffer any serious mental illness btw, but I have cyclical bouts of mania and depression that vary in severity, and have recently started having panic attacks and anxiety, like vividly imagining horrific scenarios, and constantly fearing that every day will be my last to the point I avoid leaving the house if I can). As I see it, this 'second me' is still me. It's the me who comes out when I'm sitting with my Japanese speaking friends anyway, who uses slightly different body language and follows slightly different social norms. Maybe I can develop a more optimistic and secure outlook through such an exercise?
If I explore my spiritual side through this second me, then I can sidestep away from Rotokia and allow a fresh new spiritual landscape to appear. In fact, I have already tried this just once, and I found myself in a landscape very similar to the videogame 'Journey'.
Who could resit going in deeper to that?
So what do you think? Is this a good avenue to explore, or am I just asking for trouble?
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