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What is my deal with picking friends...

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    What is my deal with picking friends...

    Because I didn't want to bog down the rant thread and because at this point I'm not really sure its a rant any more as more of a whine but I need to let it out and then maybe I can move on.

    I told you guys last week about my best friend who hadn't spoken to me in a month, and then out of the blue wanted to call and talk like nothing had happened and causally drop in shes seeing her ex husband again. Then the next night she called on her way home from Louisianan in tears because he was still seeing his "girlfriend". She let me know when she checked into the hotel that night and we haven't spoken since. This was a week ago. I have called her three times since then and no answer no call back no text messages.

    She posted she closed on her house, which I had no idea she was even buying. I'm frustrated with her. I'm tired of being used and its really coming to the point where I can't keep my mouth shut about it. The two years I was in North Carolina we talked more then when I'm two hours away.

    Too add to the sting of things. My brother and I grew up with three other children. Two boys and a girl. The 5 of us were inseparable. Our families did everything together. There was even a few times they lived with us. Eight years ago I introduced her to my now exs best friend and they hit it off beautifully. When my ex and I split up I lost her as a friend. Not only did I loose her, her entire family cut off contact with mine. So I didn't just loose a friend, we(my dad and brother) lost a part of our family.

    She had her first child on the 17th, I found this out because we have a mutual friend on facebook who happened to post a picture of the baby.

    It hurts and it frustrates me. I am at a point where I want to write them off completely but I know if they ever needed me I would drop everything and haul ass to them. How is it these girls have such a strong sway over me? That after 8 years of not talking to one it still hurts to know that not a soul in my family was told she was pregnant or even that the child was born?
    "If you want to know what a man is like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." -- Sirius Black

    "Time is an illusion, lunch time doubly so."-- Ford Prefect

    #2
    Re: What is my deal with picking friends...

    I know what you mean. I was like that for a long time, I was loyal to a fault and would do everything in my power (which has almost always been more along the lines of emotional support than anything else - because I'm poor ^^) whenever I saw that my "friends" were going through a hard time.

    What really forced me to start deciding and setting my own boundaries was the realization that when I was going through my hardest points in life, where I NEEDED someone there to at least be there for me, nobody was. Not one single person of the dozens I had helped out before, not even the ones who I had been around for for a decade. Nowhere to be found, didn't answer the phone, emails, never reached out. And the rare one who did was the one causing the harm, shamelessly.

    I hope that my experiences aren't normal for most people, and I try to hold out hope that the majority of people are not like that. But because of that harsh realization, I know that setting those boundaries is crucial to keeping your own mental health intact.

    Once these people get it through their mind that your sole purpose is not to be their rant target, their shoulder to cry on, or their pity pillow, they can either move on and take it upon themselves to handle their own sh*t, or they can start giving a little in the hopes of building a real relationship.

    I think everyone runs into these people in the course of their life, and the difference between me and them is they actually draw those boundaries up front and see how the other person reacts to it rather than becoming a doormat and hoping there will be some reciprocity.


    Anyway, I feel your pain sister! *passes out the cookies*

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      #3
      Re: What is my deal with picking friends...

      For what it is worth, remember that respect is always yours to give and to receive. That decision is yours completely. And consider yourself hugged because I think you could use one.

      "No, no, you're not thinking; you're just being logical." -- Niels Bohr

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        #4
        Re: What is my deal with picking friends...

        Thank you so much for the hugs and cookies. I needed them.
        "If you want to know what a man is like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." -- Sirius Black

        "Time is an illusion, lunch time doubly so."-- Ford Prefect

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